Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
