i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
