Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
