That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
