May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
