i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
