I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
