So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
