I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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