just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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