"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
