No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
