Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i dont even know how to be here
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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