direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
