Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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