Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
