The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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