I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
