so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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