jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
