his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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