What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize