if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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