Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
