I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
