Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
