i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
