I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
