im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
