To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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