Me too!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
