i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
