i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
