dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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