Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
