i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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