My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
