Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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