I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
