We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
