I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
