I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
