Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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