Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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