Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
