Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
