I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize