Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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