WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
