oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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