Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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