I'm lost and stupid without you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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