They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
