do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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