hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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