ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
