I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
