Your face is a jimmy john
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
