you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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