So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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