i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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