I haven't been this sober since birth.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
