you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
