There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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