i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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