eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
