so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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