I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
