You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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