I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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