so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
