Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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