He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
