i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drake has all the answers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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