My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
