i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
