im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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