i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
