my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
