Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
