there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize