im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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