I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
